My former choir director is Brother Simon. And he would say some of the craziest things. So here's a post of just some of the things he said this summer during choir.
I am not your track coach. I am your music guy.
About the dress code: Some of you will want to violate these rules. And you will go to hell.
Men, if you wear spandex, I will puke.
Girls, you're doing a little slip and slide, and that's great in the summertime when it's a big yellow piece of plastic with water... not in the choir!
That's why I'm a genius!
We're going to have the sopranos sing melody, and the tenors are going to dance with them!
The guy who uses a cell phone in a funeral, he should be in the casket.
About singing dotted sixteenth notes correctly: If you shake your head it gets better. Dat dah dah!
Staccato is like a machine gun! Marcato is like a sprinkler! And legato is smooth... like butter.
Your mother likes you to hear you sing. Go sing to her. But not in the shower.
I will pick a bass, and every time you do it wrong, I will slap him! ...I would really do that, but they've had that done to them their whole lives and well, look at them.
Carry squaaaaaah!
An annoying bass: I've got an idea!
Brother Simon: Me too. Let's sing.
You know, when the pioneers crossed the plains, they always gave up when the air conditioning went out.
Get a dog and walk your dog! Get a cat and walk your cat! Get three cats and walk them!
If you needed mouth to mouth, they wouldn't be able to get it in fast enough! I would walk away and say, "Die sucker!"
That "making life a bliss complete" wasn't.
Stop riding the llama, stop riding the elephant, and get working!
Andrea gets the star on the head for obedience, and I get the star on the bum for being dumb.
The first tenors should be on the alto part, and the second tenors should be on the tenor part, both of which were hmm... scantily clad?
That's not sneaking a breath. That's welcome to the high priests quorum!
Thank you. Helen Keller's very happy with that.
If you do it, you repent, the slate is clean! If you do it again, we kill you!
Try and talk like that when you're having a baby! You're going to be yelling, "Give me a shot!"
When someone was going off asking him what he taught in Junior High: What did I teach? Students?
Put "Each Life" away.
How were you elevated today? Oh well, my choir director planted a foot on my duff and I was elevated!
You'll die! You'll be ugly! Your children will be cursed to the fourth generation to be stupid! And you'll blame me! But's it's your own fault!
About the women not wearing white for the performance: Inasmuch as most of you are caucazoid... you would look like the Holy Ghost.
We could bury you under that rock and pretty flowers would probably grow out and they would look better than you!
7 comments:
I abso-freakin-lutely love this blog! Thanks for writing these down. Now we can laugh about them for years to come! Unless our children to the fourth generation are cursed. ;) But to have those children, of course, we'd have to find a guy to practice singing with and start dating him. And we both know Bro Simon's views on dating which he constantly threw in our faces. But would we want him any other way?!
Great blog! I could see and hear him say these things. I loved it!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... yeah...!
P.S. I'm so jealous of you guys! Hope you're having fun!
Haha! I love it. I can totally hear him saying these things!!
He was always, by far, the most quotable of them all.
Do you remember the end of the Christmas medley '06? The "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas/Pine Cones and Holly Berries"?
I played that one when we practice for Chorale, and I had the worst time getting the right timing at the end. I'm sure he said some pretty quotable things to me when he practiced with us.
Also, when I finally got the rhythm right, I swear he did a jig. Or something like unto it.
Ah, such happy memories . . .
It was just like Brother Simon, only better! I mean, that was like freakin' genius!
Good times, good times!
I'm so glad I can read your blog again! That totally brightened my very stressful and long day. Janel, I miss you! Anyways. Thanks for posting those! I hope there are more to come! I could totally picture (and hear) Bro. Simon saying those things. I laughed, and liked it :)
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