Aka Return of the Brother Simon!
So last year my brother-in-law was the bass section leader in Choralaires, and he was the one who originally started the list of Brother Simon quotes. He was kind enough to give me that list, so here it is!
About singing too low: We're gonna put a jack under your house and we're gonna raise it up and we're gonna pull that witch right out!
Stop choking off your sound... I could've thrown a rope over something and half of you would've died!
Men, I forbid you from dating any of these girls until they learn how to be women.
Referring to protesters at conference: If it were me I would raise my arm to the square and send them all to hell.
Maybe it's because you don't think like I think... I think genious!
Talking about spirits going to be born in the 1960s and getting to learn scientific theory: Oh great! I can sing, "I am a child of ape, and he hath protazoa-ed me here."
If guys were having babies there'd be one kid per family... If! If!
That's when parents should be allowed to shoot their kids or something.
Not Brother Simon, but about him.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with Brother Simon?
A little sucker about this big. Hand out to a short height
When the cat's away, the mice are dead!
Advice to folks who wish to bring their 3-year-old whiners to the Christmas Show: Get a sitter! Go on a date! Leave 'em at home!!!
So don't get on my damned list!
When I was a missionary, I was an authority on marriage. Then I got married, and I became an authority on having kids. Then I became a father, and I became an authority on being a grandparent... I'm currently an authority on death.
He was not only dumbfounded, but also found dumb.
You know... it's like spaghetti... you know, how do you decided the different parts when you mix all the meatballs and the sauce and the noodles, you know, 'cause, what if a bug flies in there or something, you know... and he gets all mixed up in there...
I realized, no wonder they don't want to look at me. You know, I felt bad for you guys... I mean, I didn't even want to look at me this morning.
I hate when I warn you and you still pooch it!
Give me a respectable range of retardation.
Some of you are so faithful, you followed even my idiotness.
Children of the corn, listen to the farmer.
They say that by the time you send off your fifth missionary it gets easier. That's a crock of manure.
About a letter members of the priesthood choir needed their bishops to sign: If you lost it, go to the office and then go to your bishop and tell him you're a turkey.
You do it fine when you do it alone, but when you get put together you become the wimp of eternity.
Brad: What would Jesus do?
Brother Simon: Jesus would refrain from smacking you, so I will too.
What do you think I am? Short and stupid?!
In reference to a guy in choir named Mikey: I apologize to his hat because it has to hang upon that which is not thinking.
Win one for the Gipper!
Don't look like your stupid self that is so often extenuated by dumbness! Look good!
I had hair Richard's color when I started directing choirs. BUT!! Because of people like you!
In reference to CPR: Well, Rex ain't getting anything from anyone in here... Die sucka!
5 comments:
Thanks for the laughs :)
Also, my roommate borrowed my laptop the other day to show a friend something from my blog and they somehow ended up navigating from mine to yours . . . Anyway, you don't know her, but my roommate votes that you're cute and hilarious!
(And she doesn't even know how right she actually is . . .)
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Rex and I are going to have fun with your blog here at work!
Those make me laugh. what a nut job.
Confuzzled: You're welcome! And tell your roommate thanks too!
Annica: That's my sole purpose in life. Bringing you and Rex joy.
Rob and Kristen: I concur.
And I will be like Bro Simon and Jesus and I will refrain from smacking others...for now. ;)
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